Do you really want to know the thoughts of a mad scientist?

take me home

 

This is the place where I will regularly write down my thoughts and the things that have happened throughout my day and such. See it as a digital err public diary :)

24-01-25 11:27 So, i got more classes now and honestly it's a lot. Like a lot. I'm so stressed and I got way more to worry about outside of school too. I am the best in my class, yet I treat myself like I'm the worst. I always try to be the best at everything, but the truth is, wven if i was the best at everything in the whole world, I'd probably still see myself as the worst. For our assignment, my teacher asked to use mine as an example for the rest of the class, yet now that I'm sitting and needing to write a new assignment, I feel utterly stupid. I cannot think clearly. My brain fog is gettign worse and i dont remember the last night i had slet more than 6 hours. This stress is keeping me up and I know I am my own worst enemy. As I'm sitting in class feeling this way, I feel a fear creeping in on me, a deja vu of sorts. What if this is going to be just like in high school where i was too stressed and depressed to get any school work done? I have to pull myself together. I am not becoming like that again, I am simply... burned out. I never had thought of that. The past year I had done everything to be perfect and now that more responsibilities are pilling up, isnt it only human to see that my performance has waves? I am human, and that's okay. I deserve to go easy on myself even if it's the first time in my life i'm doing that. I want to be the best, but first, I must allow myself to be burned out. This is not a permanent state, it is a human state.

12-09-24 13:03 I had promised myself I no longer would be late for class. I was gonna be there on time. But then after rushing to my bike, I had forgotten my battery. My electric bike is hella heavy without the help of a battery, but I had no time to go back and get it. I rushed to class, and I have not strained my muscles this hard in forever. Running up stairs right after, did not help my situation. And of course, I still arrive late. I decided to just embrace my lateness by heading to the bathroom to do some stretches. If im gonna strain my muscles and be late anyways then i might aswell try to be less aching for tomorrow. My legs feel like rubber and I'm annoyed at myself for ruining my attendance even more.

29-08-24 18:21 Well, I suppose it was bound to happen. For the first time in my life, I have gotten corona. Sucks. I had started to come to the belief that I was unable to catch it, actually. Turns out my germophobia was the one that had saved me all along. Well until now. Due to the improvement of my mental health, I had gotten a bit less uptight about my phobia and maybe that was it. Either way, this fever is hitting hard. I havent had such a big fever before, at least not one i can remember. I'm mostly upset about not being able to attend class. I think I legally could go if I wanted to, but I wouldnt dream of exposing my classmates. I'll wait till im healthy again, but goddamn, it sucks. I already have bad attendance, and despite me being really good at the subject, hence not minding skipping the lecturing part of my classes, I still really want to keep up with the topics and homework. Either way, I'm trying my best to rest, just kidding im not, because I have a hard time resting. It's hard to sleep when my body hurts so much and I dont like doing nothing. I need to be occupied constantly otherwise my brain starts to think too much. I know that sounds a little silly, but honestly I just don't like being alone with my thoughts, I tend to stress out about everything I need to get done and my anxiety also starts overthinking stupid stuff. So I do my best to constantly stay distracted, but that's so hard when I can't even do anything. My body is so tired and aching. I cannot speak due to my throat being hoarse.

19-08-24 19:08 God, I can't believe I made this blog over 2 years ago. I felt like it was time to start a bit fresh. I still want to talk about my feelings, thoughts and experiences on here, but I feel like I want to turn this into a more broad blog. Example, reviews, stories, headcanons etc. Feels nice to start fresh, doesnt it?

17-06-22 15:43 So Hi, I guess I might try to blog a bit, I've never done that before, and it's not really like I care about anyone reading it, I just think it might be a nice way to keep track of my life lmao. I'd rather do it here than on Tumblr where randos can reblog ur posts, if I ever happen to blog about anything personal, y'know? So anyways today, I'm a little down bc I was gonna go to a concert with my brother but I'm still sick. I should take it easy, I haven't been doing that lately.

16-06-22 anyways and Here is a picture of my cat :).

Here he is: